Topsy Kretts is my favorite author all time

The Number 23 Book By Topsy Kretts
Topsy Kretts The Number 23

'The Number 23': You Do The Math, By Kurt Loder. It's a novel, or a memoir or something, written by a man named Topsy Kretts (get it?). He was apparently driven mad by the number 23, too. The Number 23 is a “thriller” (although I could count the thrills on Buster Bluth’s left hand). (Topsy Kretts, because apparently Farty McDiarrhea was a little too spooky) to break the.

That was a joke and it wasn’t funny. Moving on…

Zodiac is a movie that I hadn’t watched at all and since it was on the DVD, I fgured what in the hell?

And it was pretty good; very long, but still a decent enough flick. Robert Downey, Jr. was in it and I’ve decided I liked him ever since I saw Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. It was also a terriffic film. Awesome. Anyway, it was about the Zodiac killer whom everybody knows was never actually caught, even though, as the movie states, they were pretty sure who the killer was but circumstantial evidence was in the way of prosecution.

Also people just being stupid and not helping each other in the Police Dept. Suckage.

So yeah, go see Zodiac (I mean rent it).

Oh, and don’t rent The Number 23. It was not the best. Neither was Perfume: The Story of a Murder.

Terrible.

Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) is an animal control officer married to Agatha (Virginia Madsen); they have a son, Robin (Logan Lerman). The film opens with Walter narrating the events of his recent birthday. He received a call to catch a dog. Walter eventually corners the dog, and learns from his name tag that his name is Ned. The dog bites his arm and escapes again. Thanks to the delay caused by Ned, Walter is late meeting his wife and while she is waiting, she enters a bookstore where she looks through a book titled The Number 23 written by Topsy Kretts. When Walter arrives, Agatha announces that she is going to buy the book for him as a birthday present.

Walter starts reading the book, noticing odd similarities between himself and the main character, a detective who refers to himself as “Fingerling”. The character explains that he got the name from an obscure children’s book, one that Walter also enjoyed as a child. The book details Fingerling’s meeting with the “Suicide Blonde”, whose bizarre obsession with the number 23 drives her to murder her boyfriend and commit suicide. Walter begins to have dreams of murdering Agatha, which causes him to become extremely paranoid. After one such dream he drives off in the middle of the night. Walter winds up in the King Edward Hotel. Initially, he was issued room 27, but requests room 23. Walter spends the evening finishing the book only to discover that the book stops at chapter 22 with Fingerling standing on a balcony trying to decide whether or not to jump, after murdering his lover, Fabrizia.

The next day, Walter sees Ned the dog from the hotel room window and follows Ned back to the cemetery, where he meets a priest and the cemetery gardener, and learns that they have nicknamed Ned “The Guardian of the Dead” due to his fondness for sitting and watching the gravestones, with a special attention to the grave of Laura Tollins, a murder victim whose body was never found, so her grave lies empty. Walter returns home with a newspaper article about the murder of college student Laura Tollins (Rhona Mitra) by her psychology professor, Kyle Flinch (Mark Pellegrino), with whom she was having sexual relations; the circumstances of Laura’s murder are almost exactly the same as the murder of Fabrizia in The Number 23. Walter thinks the professor wrote the book as a secret confession and goes to see him in jail. The man proclaims his innocence of the murder and of being the author, stating he would never choose a pen name like “Topsy Kretts,” pointing out that it is an obvious homophone for “Top Secrets.”

Robin finds a PO Box address hidden in the back of the book and they send a shipment of 23 boxes to it hoping to draw out the book’s author. They wait for Topsy Kretts (Bud Cort), who, upon being confronted by Walter, becomes panicked, proclaims Walter should be dead and slits his own throat. Inside the man’s pockets, Agatha finds an ID card belonging to a mental institution, showing the man is Dr. Sirius Leary. She goes to the abandoned asylum and finds Leary’s old office. In a cell covered in calculations of the number 23, she finds an old box with Walter’s name on it. Meanwhile, Robin and Walter discover that every 23rd word on every 23rd page of the book spells out two messages which lead them to “Casanova’s Park.” They arrive at the park late that night and go down a staircase marked “The Steps to Heaven” which consists of 23 steps. At the bottom, they dig deep in the ground and discover a human skeleton, presumably Laura Tollins, but when they return with a police officer, the bones have disappeared. Walter confronts Agatha about taking the bones and accuses her of writing the book. She admits to moving the skeleton to protect him, but tells Walter that it was he who wrote the book, and shows him the contents of the box from the Institute. In the box there is a manuscript of The Number 23 with Walter’s name on it and an ankle bracelet that belonged to Laura Tollins.

He returns to the hotel to room 23, where he tears down the wallpaper and finds the missing 23rd chapter written all over the wall. The chapter explains that the story was Walter’s confession and he remembers why he did everything: his father killed himself after the death of Walter’s mother. His suicide note was just pages of things that added up to the number 23. Walter loved Laura Tollins and grew obsessed with 23 because of his father. Laura began sleeping with her professor. Walter tried to warn her about the number being dangerous and how it was going to come after her. She told him he was crazy, daring Walter to kill her. Walter went into a rage, stabbing her and burying her in the park, which Ned observed. The professor was the first to walk into the room where Laura was killed, and he picked up the knife, covering the weapon with his fingerprints and staining his hands with blood. With this evidence, he was convicted for the murder. Walter went to the hotel room, wrote The Number 23, placing the 23rd chapter on the walls, floor and every other part of the room, and then jumped off the balcony. He survived but suffered severe injuries and trauma. Walter ended up in the institute where Dr. Leary worked. Dr. Leary read the manuscript and, after publishing it, became obsessed with the number 23 himself. Because of the fall, Walter suffered memory loss and upon leaving the institute he met Agatha.

Agatha finds Walter at the hotel, and tries to assure him that he is no longer the person he was when he wrote the book. He insists that he is a killer, accepting the fact that he murdered Laura Tollins, and tells Agatha to leave before he kills her too. Agatha pushes a letter opener into Walter’s hand, saying that if he is indeed a killer, he can easily kill again, and dares him to kill her. She tells him that she loves him. Walter tells her that she can’t love him because no one can, mirroring an accusation made by Laura on the night of her murder. He leaves the hotel and runs into the street, where he nearly allows himself to be run over by a bus, but steps out of the way at the last minute when he realizes his son is watching. As he embraces his family, a voiceover by Walter tells the audience that he turned himself into the police and is awaiting sentencing, having been told that the judge will likely go easy on him since he turned himself in. A funeral procession takes place in front of Laura Tollins’s grave, where it is implied her body has finally been laid to rest, as Flinch observes, finally a free man.

The Number 23 Book By Topsy Kretts

At the end of the film, viewers can see the Bible reading from Numbers 32:23: “Be sure your sin will find you out.”

Topsy Kretts The Number 23

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The Number 23 Topsy Kretts